I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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