I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
