Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
