just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
