Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
