Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
