Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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