You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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