GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
