I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
