this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
