I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We talked him into tasing himself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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