After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
