he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
