I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
