i would punch a child for taco bell
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
