The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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