I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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