Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
