im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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