You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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