Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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