I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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