Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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