my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
