I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
