My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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