He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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