i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
