apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
