just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
