its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
