I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
