She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
