are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I looked at my own cervix.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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