is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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