Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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