My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
