I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
