you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
