She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
