Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
