Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
