Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
