The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
