I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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