He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
