You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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