So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
