Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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