whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
