well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
